Journalism & Chill: Pussy & Comedy part IV: Who am I?

I am Jessica Forman, 38 years old from Brooklyn, New York born and raised. Both of my parents are black american’s and were born and raised in Brooklyn too. I come from 6 siblings and lived in the projects growing up. I never had a silver spoon handed to me and I always had worked very hard for everything I have and ever had.

When I got married to my deceased husband, that was because we knew each other for a long time. I am a very loyal person and once he showed me love, I gave it right back. I went above and beyond for him.

Me and James grew up with each other. Our families knew each other and we grew up in the same projects, went to the same elementary, middle and high school. The only time we were ever apart from each other was when he went off to college. He attended California State University in Burbank, California to study finance and Law. He obtained two master degrees in finance and in law. He never practiced law however, he did practice finance working in wall-street and developed his own firm James finance resources incorporated. He became very wealthy and he never forgot about me. Once he graduated from college, he came back to Brooklyn to upstart his career and he came back to my parent’s home which at the time was where i rested my head because I also was in college. I studied at Brooklyn College with a degree in visual communications and Political Science. I didn’t attend his college graduation because he didn’t attend his own graduation. He recieved his degree in the mail but he attended my graduation and with that he came bearing gifts.

James was always generous and very protective of me. We started dating right after I graduated college. Things were so beautiful and perfect, when I told him that I wanted to be a comedian, he jumped at the first chance to support it because I always had a sense of humor and always made him laugh no matter what the circumstances were. I thought I made him happy, I guess I was wrong even though he made me happy.

I was never the person to move from one group of friends to the next. I always kept my circle small and myself to myself exactly. My husband for the most part was my best friend. I had two girlfriends whom we were not as close once we got older however we stayed in touch and everytime we linked up, it was always a fun time. I became estranged to my family once I told them that I wanted to be a comedian. My parents were christian-baptist and was highly devouted until I became 14 years of age and then they became Jehovah Witnesses. So what I am doing is a huge and cardinal sin because I use profanity and enagage in things that their religion doesn’t approve of.

I was the black sheep of my family. I never followed rules and I made up my own as I went along. But I was an obidient child. I listened to my parents when they gave me direction and I never was the one to hang out in the streets or in the wrong crowd. I was a nerd at best and was absolutely kind and understanding to everyone I ever came across however, I was an inquisitive and fickle child. But the one thing that didn’t change was the ability to bring joy to people and that was through jokes and laughter.

Even though I grew up with both parents and all my siblings in the same household and didn’t grow up with any screws missing, I was suffering because I was ginuinely lonely and of course, I got picked on, even by my siblings. I had three bullies throughout high school which one of them I defended myself from in 12th grade. In college, I stayed to myself but I did party very every single Saturday only. I love life and used whatever was going on to distract myself from my own mental and overthinking. I truly wanted someone to worship me devotely. Even with being married and growing up around structured love, I never felt mentally satisfied and now with me being a big time comedian and all, My audience is the only people I feel that stimulate me mentally by enhancing my ego when they come to my shows.

Morgan and I have been broken up for three months now. We run in the same circles so we have been able to be cordial and we still do business together, we are just not intimate anymore. I was getting used to being single and happy because it was time to re-discover myself. It was time to deal with my demons and give myself self-care without worrying about anyone else. This was new to me because I never truly put myself first. I also needed to discover my spirituality cause I feel very lost with no frame of reference, especially after dealing with the murder of my husband.

I finally have some time to tend to myself. It’s very refreshing to finally take a break. I never took a break before because I was working so hard to finally reached this pinnacle of my career. I should be grateful because I wasn’t in this stage of my career last year however I simply didn’t feel like it was enough. I wanted more but for some reason the universe was dishing out signs that I should sit my ass the fuck down. I decided on a short decision that since I wasn’t fucking anyone, that it would be best to invest in a vibrator. I was excited about it because it was something new and I felt that it was time to also re-discover myself sexually. It was time I start learning to how make myself Cum and Laugh at the same damn time.

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